You've probably already seen this, but it has to be one of the all-time classic newspaper front pages. Today's Scottish edition of the Mail on Sunday declares that Scotland is an "OPEN DOOR FOR TERROR" on the grounds that the paper's "investigators" (I rarely say LOL, but LOL) were able to take a ferry trip from Belfast to Cairnryan without encountering any "border controls" or having to show their passports.
There is of course a remarkably simple explanation for this shocking lack of border security. The "investigators" didn't actually cross over an international border. As most people have discovered by the time they leave primary school (let alone by the time they have editorial control over a national newspaper), Northern Ireland and Scotland are both part of the United Kingdom. A ferry crossing from Belfast to Cairnryan is therefore a routine domestic voyage. Having to show your passport on such a trip would be quite literally as daft as having to show your passport on a ferry between Mull and Oban, or between the Isle of Wight and Southampton.
I'm just about old enough to have done that trip (or rather the very similar Larne to Stranraer crossing) on three separate occasions during the Northern Ireland Troubles - in 1990, 1992 and 1994. Even back then, there were no passport checks, and in fact there wasn't much in the way of ordinary security - a far cry from the heavily militarised international border between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland.
The amusing part of all this is that there is only really one way to introduce the kind of hard border between Scotland and Northern Ireland that the Mail on Sunday are demanding. And that is for Scotland and Northern Ireland to cease to be part of the same state. Scotland will have to become independent, or Northern Ireland will have to leave the UK. Either way this is a long distance from the Mail on Sunday's previously rock solid British nationalism, and is a development to be greatly welcomed.
James. Maybe you should have kept this one for April Fools Day
ReplyDeleteCome on England Lets support the boys
DeleteGod save our gracious Queen
DeleteLong live our noble Queen
God save the Queen
Send her victorious
Happy and glorious
Long to reign over us
God save the Queen
O Lord our God arise
Scatter her enemies
And make them fall
Confound their politics
Frustrate their knavish tricks
On Thee our hopes we fix
God save us all
Thy choicest gifts in store
On her be pleased to pour
Long may she reign
May she defend our laws
And ever give us cause
To sing with heart and voice
God save the Queen
Not in this land alone
But be God's mercies known
From shore to shore
Lord make the nations see
That men should brothers be
And form one family
The wide world over
From every latent foe
From the assassins blow
God save the Queen
O'er her thine arm extend
For Britain's sake defend
Our mother, prince, and friend
God save the Queen
Lord grant that Marshal Wade
May by thy mighty aid
Victory bring
May he sedition hush
And like a torrent rush
Rebellious Scots to crush
God save the King
It's time for you jocks to get right behind the boys and support England
DeleteCome on England
England for the world cup, Come on
You can't hold or give or do it at the right time,
DeleteYour slow we're fast we'll always get to the line,
We'll always hit you and hurt you,
You can't defend or attack,
And we'll always beat you cos the jocks are crap.
We're singing for England, Ing-ger-land
We're singing the song
We're singing for England arrivedeci its one on one
Come on England!
Anonymous - The Mail on Sunday does not stick to only being foolish on 1 April, so, James was quite right to show them up. Any way, the MoS's core readership probably thinks civilisation ends at the northern exit slip roads on the M25.
ReplyDeleteYou jocknatsis
DeleteWhere on earth are you from?
DeleteWe're from England
Where you come from
Do you put the kettle on?
Kick it
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah (bonjour)
Nah nah nah (monsieur)
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah Nah
We're England
We're gonna score one more than you
England!
Can I introduce you please
To a lump of cheddar cheese
Knit one, pearl one
Drop one, curl one
Kick it
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah Nah
We're England
We're gonna score one more than you
England!
Me and me Mum and me Dad and me Gran
We're off to Waterloo
Me and me Mum and me Dad and me Gran
And a…
I took the ferry off Skye to Mallaig last Friday. Don’t tell anyone, but there was no passport check there either!
ReplyDeleteYou jocknatsis
DeleteIt's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming
DeleteFootballs coming home (we'll go on getting bad results)
It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming
Footballs coming home
It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming
Footballs coming home
It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming
Footballs coming home
Everyone seems to know the score, they've seen it all before
They just know, they're so sure
That England's gonna, throw it away, gonna blow it away
But i know they can play
'cus i remember
Three lions on a shirt
Jules Remet still gleaming
Thirty years of hurt
Never stopped me dreaming
So many jokes, so many snears
But all those 'oh so near's
When your down, through the years
But i still see that tackle by Moore
And when Linaker scored, Bobby belting the ball
And nobby dancing
Three lions on a shirt
Jules Remet still gleaming
Thirty years of hurt
Never stopped me dreaming
(England have done it, in the last minute of extra time)
(what a save, what now)
(good old England, England that couldn't play football)
(England have got it in the bag)
I know that was then, but it could be again
It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming
Footballs coming home
It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming
Footballs coming home
(England have done it)
It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming
Footballs coming home
It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming
Footballs coming home *REPEATED IN BACKGROUND*
Three lions on a shirt
Jules Remet still gleaming
Thirty years of hurt
Never stopped me dreaming
Three lions on a shirt
Jules Remet still gleaming
Thirty years of hurt
Never stopped me dreaming
Three lions on a shirt
Jules Remet still gleaming
Thirty years of hurt
Never stopped me dreaming
*Jules Rimet
DeleteJules Rimet.
DeleteGet it? Rimming! Jocko Ladyboy's love it
And meantime, Ashcroft’s polling confirms that a majority do not give a fig about NI being in the U.K.
ReplyDeleteI’m not sure this is good news for us in Scotland who want to go too:
http://theconversation.com/brexit-this-poll-reveals-a-sad-truth-about-britain-and-northern-ireland-98722
You jocknatsis
DeleteWhen Britain first, at heaven's command
DeleteArose from out the azure main
Arose, arose, arose from out the a-azure main
This was the charter, the charter of the land
And guardian angels sang this strain:
Rule Britania!
Britannia rule the waves
Britons never, never, never shall be slaves
Rule Britannia!
Britannia rule the waves
Britons never, never, never shall be slaves
The nations, not so blest as thee
Must in their turn, to tyrants fall
Must in ,must in, must in their turn, to tyrants fall
While thou shalt flourish, shalt flourish great and free
The dread and envy of them all
Rule Britannia!
Britannia rule the waves
Britons never, never, never shall be slaves
Rule Britannia!
Britannia rule the waves
Brittons never, never, never shall be slaves
Right up your kilts jocks
DeleteRight up your fucking kilts
What have England and Scotland football fans got in common this summer, they're both spending the summer in a depressing shitehole full of down and outs and alcoholics, with crap weather, terrible food and a weird psycho nutcase as a leader, except we're at the world cup and you're staying in Jockistan.
DeleteYou might also have pointed out, James, that the same arrangements wil pertain on the Liverpool - Belfast run.
ReplyDeleteYou jocknatsis
DeleteFlick yor wick. Jocko nat ais.
DeleteYou've been sticking your jock up Scotty Poppers natsis all night you pair of dirty, lazy, scrounging jocks
DeleteAnd We'll be singing you jocknatsis
DeleteBand of jockbastards, heids up yer arse
And We'll be singing you jocknatsis
Band of jockbastards, heids up yer arse
And We'll be singing you jocknatsis
Band of jockbastards, heids up yer arse
And We'll be singing you jocknatsis
Band of jockbastards, heids up yer arse
And We'll be singing you jocknatsis
Band of jockbastards, heids up yer arse
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
That's nothing I literally *walked* to Lindisfarne the other day at low tide... not even the sea can save us from rampaging hordes of Holy Islanders!
ReplyDeleteYou were readng your bible en route?
DeleteYou jocknatsis
DeleteExpress yourself
DeleteCreate the space
You know you can win
Don't give up the chase
Beat the man
Take him on
You never give up
It's one on one
Express yourself
It's one on one
Express yourself
It's one on one
Express yourself
You can't be wrong
When somethings good
It's never gone
Loves got the world in motion
And I know what we can do
Loves got the world in motion
And I can't believe it's true
Now is the time
Let everyone see
You never give up
that's how it should be
Don't get caught
Make your own play
Express yourself
Don't give it away
Express yourself
Its one on one
Express yourself
Its one on one
Express yourself
You can't be wrong
When somethings good
Its never wrong
Loves got the world in motion
And I know what we can do
Loves got the woAnd I can't believe it's true
You've got to hold and give
But do it at the right time
You can be slow or fast
But you must get to the line
They'll always hit you and hurt you
Defend and attack
There's only one way to beat them
Get round the back
Catch me if you can
Cos' I'm the England man
And what you're looking at
Is the master plan
We ain't no hooligans
This ain't a football song
Three lions on my chest
I know we can't go wrong
We're playing for England {In-ger-land}
We're playing the song
We're singing for England {In-ger-land}
Arrivederci it's one one one
We're playing for England {In-ger-land}
We're playing the song
We're singing for England {In-ger-land}
Arrivederci it's one one one
We're playing for England {In-ger-land}
We're playing the song
We're singing for England {In-ger-land}
Arrivederci it's one one one
We're playing for England {In-ger-land}
We're playing the song
We're singing for England {In-ger-land}
Arrivederci it's one one one
As I write not one Scottish Nat si is sitting in the Commons debating Military Veterans Rights. Bending the erm in the Red Lion! I will be writing to my Nat si MP for Glasgow South West.
ReplyDeleteGreen ink biro on an old jotter or crayon on old newspaper?
DeleteYou jocknatsis
DeleteAnd did those feet in ancient time
DeleteWalk upon england's mountains green?
And was the holy lamb of god
On england's pleasant pastures seen?
And did the countenance divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was jerusalem builded here
Among those dark satanic mills?
Bring me my bow of burning gold!
Bring me my arrows of desire!
Bring me my spear: o clouds unfold!
Bring me my chariots of fire!
I will not cease from metal fight;
Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand
Till we have built jerusalem
In england's green and pleasant land.
Where's your world cup jocks
DeleteWorld Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
Come on Enland
Scottish Nat sis all for Heathrow runway last month, this month they are not and abstain on the vote. They all must be eating the same porridge. The bowl must be kind of wee as Findlay Currie would say.
ReplyDeletefuck off with yer nat si push ya cockwomble brit nat
DeleteYou jocknatsis
DeleteAnd We'll be singing you jocknatsis
DeleteBand of jockbastards, heids up yer arse
And We'll be singing you jocknatsis
Band of jockbastards, heids up yer arse
And We'll be singing you jocknatsis
Band of jockbastards, heids up yer arse
And We'll be singing you jocknatsis
Band of jockbastards, heids up yer arse
And We'll be singing you jocknatsis
Band of jockbastards, heids up yer arse
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
It is always amusing to come here and read the BritNat having a hissy fit. Cheers me right up.
ReplyDeleteCheers you right up. Yeh. Right up. Cheers you up when Jeremy Thorpe gives you a good bum job. Right up. Cheers you right up. Ladyboys.
DeleteI was in the sailing pond at Bught Park on a rowing boat. No security checks. No passport control. No immigration screening. Johnny Foreigner is talking over Britain.
DeleteYou really could do with cheering right up, GWC2. A bit of what you fancy does you good, eh?
DeleteP.S. Jeremy Thorpe died on 4 December 2014 at the age of 85. Perhaps you were unaware of this?
Is it just me, or has he really gone off the deep end recently?
DeleteAnd his anti-LGBT-ness is really shining through.
Don't smurge yor lipstick Mavis. Hahahahaha
DeleteYes, Illy, definitely getting worse, I'd say. As for the anti-LGBT stuff - no hatred like self-hatred - the puir tortured, closeted wee soul...
DeleteIt really has lost what little access to the plot it had. I think it started at the beginning of the year when it found out it wasn't copied in on the green ink gang's email.
DeleteWhat ever you say Mrs Maisie Muff. Have you got a chasyity belt on yor kilt?
DeleteThoght not. "Jeremy! There's one over here.'
You jocknatsis
DeleteIf there is any method to the Mail's madness, it has to be that the egregious Mr. Harmsworth (triffic name, "Harmsworth") laying some groundwork in public opinion for Norniron to be hived orff from Greater England to help his Brexiteer buddies "solve" the Irish border problem.
ReplyDeleteProper fearmongering has feck all to do with facts, after all.
You jocknatsis
DeleteI drove to Austria from Germany last Thursday and back on Sunday. I then flew to Warsaw on Monday from Frankfurt. I only showed my passport when I checked into both hotels.....
ReplyDeleteThere were armed police on exit from Austria into Germany on the way back but nothing on the way in. I was never asked for ID flying to Poland from Frankfurt..
I'm sleeping easy
Oooooooh. Get her. Little Miss International Jetset. Tosspot.
DeleteEnvy is a terrible thing.
DeleteSo is running a creme puff villa.
DeleteA what?
DeleteWhere you and the kilt munchers have yor pugwash parties.
DeleteYou jocknatsis
DeleteWhere's your world cup jocks
DeleteWorld Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
Come on Enland
Aye James you nat sis know how to stifle debate when confronted... Your downfall eventually... Brexit is a go and you Nat sis are on a hiding. Mass Jock/Irish suicide imminent. Up yer sporrans.
ReplyDeleteOoooh! Get her!
DeleteAll it's got are rage and sexual obsessions. Its therapist must have superhuman patience.
DeleteGet back to yor creme puff villa for a pugwash with the nat si bumboy brigade.
DeleteCould you please re-state that in English?
DeleteOoooh. Get her. Little Miss Copycat Fannygash
DeleteYou jocknatsis
DeleteWhere's your world cup jocks
DeleteWorld Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
Come on Enland
The new Scottish cabinet are impressive.
ReplyDeleteSo is the chester draws. Hahahahaha.
DeleteTry to keep up dopey.
DeleteYou jocknatsis
DeleteThe troll whines about the stifling of debate when it doesn't debate. It thinks insults and rambling about its sexual obsessions qualify as debate. This would be so much funnier if the poor creature wasn't so obviously damaged.
ReplyDeleteYou jocknatsis
DeleteYou can't hold or give or do it at the right time,
ReplyDeleteYour slow we're fast we'll always get to the line,
We'll always hit you and hurt you,
You can't defend or attack,
And we'll always beat you cos the jocks are crap.
We're singing for England, Ing-ger-land
We're singing the song
We're singing for England arrivedeci its one on one
Come on England!
Where's your world cup jocks
ReplyDeleteWorld Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
World Cup, you jocks fucked it up
World Cup, and you fucked it up
Come on Enland
Right up your kilts jocks
ReplyDeleteRight up your fucking kilts
Come on England!
And We'll be singing you jocknatsis
ReplyDeleteBand of jockbastards, heids up yer arse
And We'll be singing you jocknatsis
Band of jockbastards, heids up yer arse
And We'll be singing you jocknatsis
Band of jockbastards, heids up yer arse
And We'll be singing you jocknatsis
Band of jockbastards, heids up yer arse
And We'll be singing you jocknatsis
Band of jockbastards, heids up yer arse
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
You jocknatsis
Where on earth are you from?
ReplyDeleteWe're from England
Where you come from
Do you put the kettle on?
Kick it
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah
Bonjour (nah nah nah)
Monsieur (nah nah nah)
(nah nah nah nah nah nah)
We're England
We're gonna score one more than you
(simultaneous)
England!
(whistle blown)
Can I introduce you please to a lump of
Cheddar cheese
Knit one
Pearl one
Drop one
Curl one
Kick it
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah...
We're England
We're gonna score one more than you
(simultaneous)
England!
Me and me mum
And me dad and me gran
We're off to Waterloo
Me and me mum and me dad and me gran
And a bucket of vindaloo
Bucket!
Vindaloo vindaloo vindaloo vindaloo nah nah
Vindaloo vindaloo vindaloo vindaloo nah nah
Vindaloo
Vindaloo and we all like vindaloo
We're England
We're gonna score one more than you
(simultaneous)
England!
Nah nah (vindaloo) nah nah (vindaloo) nah nah nah...
And we all like vindaloo
We're England
We're gonna score one more than you
(simultaneous)
And we all like vindaloo
We're England
We're gonna score one more than you
England!
It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming
ReplyDeleteFootballs coming home (we'll go on getting bad results)
It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming
Footballs coming home
It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming
Footballs coming home
It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming
Footballs coming home
Everyone seems to know the score, they've seen it all before
They just know, they're so sure
That England's gonna, throw it away, gonna blow it away
But i know they can play
'cus i remember
Three lions on a shirt
Jules Remet still gleaming
Thirty years of hurt
Never stopped me dreaming
So many jokes, so many snears
But all those 'oh so near's
When your down, through the years
But i still see that tackle by Moore
And when Linaker scored, Bobby belting the ball
And nobby dancing
Three lions on a shirt
Jules Remet still gleaming
Thirty years of hurt
Never stopped me dreaming
(England have done it, in the last minute of extra time)
(what a save, what now)
(good old England, England that couldn't play football)
(England have got it in the bag)
I know that was then, but it could be again
It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming
Footballs coming home
It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming
Footballs coming home
(England have done it)
It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming
Footballs coming home
It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming
Footballs coming home *REPEATED IN BACKGROUND*
Three lions on a shirt
Jules Remet still gleaming
Thirty years of hurt
Never stopped me dreaming
Three lions on a shirt
Jules Remet still gleaming
Thirty years of hurt
Never stopped me dreaming
Three lions on a shirt
Jules Remet still gleaming
Thirty years of hurt
Never stopped me dreaming
The troll has finally had a full-blown psychotic break. It needs professional help.
ReplyDeleteYou jocknatsis
DeletePoor Arlene seems to have let her meds run out.
ReplyDeleteI am genuinely concerned for its mental health. It should seek immediate professional help.
DeleteShe seems a bit... Overwrought, shall we say?
DeleteYou jocknatsis
DeleteI put it down to the usual deep-seated psychological issues it displays. It should seek help before it does itself a mischief.
DeleteI did myself a mischief laughing. If I cared about football or had any particular interest in England I might be concerned. But I don't.
DeleteAll that typing......and still a prick. Who knew?
ReplyDeleteYou love pricks don't you? Kilt munching fairy cake. Get back to yor creme puff villa for a quick pugwash with Jock and Luigi Hitler. Ponce.
DeleteSeek professional help. Immediately, before you hurt yourself.
Delete