Scotland: This is absolutely outrageous. Stealing is totally unacceptable in a civilised society. Please keep your hands off our possessions.
Tories: OK, OK, maybe 111 is a bit excessive. We'll only steal 25. So, next Tuesday?
Scotland: It is not acceptable for you to steal anything at all.
Tories: Come on, be reasonable. We're offering you a very substantial compromise.
Scotland: We're sorry, but if you don't stop talking about breaking into our house and stealing our possessions, we'll have no option but to reinforce the locks on our doors, and to install advanced anti-intruder devices.
Adam Tomkins: Reinforcing the locks on your doors simply because someone is threatening to steal from you is an unnecessary, ill-thought-through, incoherent and provocative step. Scotland must stop sulking, fling its doors wide open, and rejoice at every item that is generously left behind by the benevolent intruders.