"Stew-pid. Just Stew-pid." The advice that controversial blogger "Stew" would have given in a variety of dangerous historical situations

The controversial Somerset-based blogger "Stew" seems to have had a screw loose ever since Kezia Dugdale psychologically damaged him by defeating his vanity libel case - a drubbing that not only broke him reputationally but is also assumed to have cost him tens of thousands of pounds of crowdfunded money.  But his loopy advice yesterday to vote for unionist parties "for the longterm benefit of the independence movement" is a new low, and he has understandably been relentlessly mocked for it.  For my own tribute to dear old Stewie on this very special occasion, I thought I'd take a look at the sage advice he would doubtlessly impart in a variety of historical situations if someone gave him a time machine.

Stew's advice to Labour supporters in 1979: "Look here, lads, your party is a bit tired.  Tell you what, why not vote for Mrs Thatcher for the longterm benefit of Labour?  It's highly unlikely she'll make any significant changes to the economic model, or sell off any state assets, or gut the trade union movement or anything like that.  Trust me, she'll be a four-year wonder and then you'll be straight back in power all revitalised and socialist.  You won't regret it."

Stew's advice to the ancient Britons in the 5th Century AD: "Look here, guys, you're getting raided an awful lot by the Picts and the Scots.  Tell you what, for your longterm safety and security, why not invite in some war-like Angles and Saxons as a sort of guard dog?  Come to think of it, why not entice as many of them as possible over by giving them some of your land?  Trust me, it's highly unlikely they'll outstay their welcome.  You won't regret it."

Stew's advice to German centrists and liberals in 1932: "Look here, meine Freunde, you're having a bit of trouble shaking off Herr Hitler and forming a stable government.  Tell you what, for the longterm benefit of German centrism and liberalism, why not actually vote for Hitler yourselves?  You know, why not "hire" him?  You'll find that he's instantly neutered and totally under your control.  Trust me, you'll be perfectly safe.  You won't regret it."

Stew's advice during the Trojan War:  "That's a fine-looking horse.  It's made of wood and has been left by the Greeks, you say?  Perfect. BRING IT IN."

Stew's advice to Scottish independence supporters during the 2024 UK general election: "Every vote for Labour brings independence closer.  Trust me on this, if you follow my advice I'll be giving you regular progress reports over the next two years on how the Starmer government is advancing the cause of independence.  You won't regret it."

You're way ahead of me here - he actually said the last one.

[UPDATE: By a bizarre coincidence, Stew has actually revealed on social media tonight precisely how much the defeat to Dugdale cost him financially.  It wasn't tens of thousands of pounds he lost, it was hundreds of thousands.  £220,000, to be exact.  That was largely money he had crowdfunded from well-meaning independence supporters, and then had to hand over to the unionist state pointlessly.  "Bonkers" doesn't even begin to cover it - it's more like a tragedy for the people who funded him.]