"@AidanBrennan284 Shut up will you? By the way, your dog looks like a gerbil."
Just six minutes later, her put-down has already been acclaimed by social media critics as the most perfectly-judged put-down in the history of put-downs, at least within the Oldham area. Dozens of Claire's followers tweeted pictures of Brennan's dog, confirming that it does indeed bear a passing resemblance to a gerbil.
Brennan has gone into hiding in rural Donegal, and is thought to be considering either suicide or a sizeable "donation" to Claire's favourite "charity". Either way, he is believed to accept that his life is now essentially over.
One or two deluded fools did suggest that Claire was being a bit of a bully, but that's only because they're anti-English and still haven't got over the events of 1916.
Please note : This article isn't quite a world exclusive, because the Huffington Post, BuzzFeed, TIME and The Independent all got there two minutes ahead of us. We tried, we tried.