Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Word-Search Wednesday : Councillor Terry Kelly's fearless truths about the SNP

I'm shockingly late to the party in sampling the celebrated delights of Councillor Terry Kelly, but allow me to make up for lost time by entirely devoting this week's word-search to a few of the more recent insights from this Labour stalwart into the subject of the nationalist menace...

(Click to enlarge)

Here are the words and phrases you're looking for -

Einstein : On May 15th, Terry revealed that the SNP had "demoted" Albert Einstein to being a mere "dead German physicist". This is the kind of crazy thing that happens if you give the Nats an overall majority.

Despair : The state Terry was in (also on May 15th) after his epiphany that the SNP probably thought the achievements of Michael Collins, Jomo Kenyatta and Mahatma Gandhi paled into insignificance in comparison with the triumph of nature that is being born Scottish.

English accent : What the SNP "encourage" people to attack others for having, as exclusively revealed by Terry on April 23rd.

Councillor : What the spawn of the devil (aka the SNP's Derek Mackay) disgracefully failed to address Terry as at a council meeting.  But Terry, exhibiting an admirable lack of self-importance that ought to be a shining example to us all, shrugged off the incident as no big deal...

"Another example of SNP leaders Mackay's lightweight intellect and glaring inexperience came back to haunt him today at this meeting. 2 or 3 weeks ago when I asked him a question he was a bit harassed and blurted out "I'm not going to debate with you Kelly" 'OOEEE OOAAA' gasped the meeting in mock horror at how he had stripped me of my title of councillor and reduced me to plane old 'Kelly' he refused to listen to advice to correct his childish error and pressed on, today he paid for that immature, childish error. I raised my hand to speak and he said "yes Cllr. Kelly" and I said with a smile "oh so I'm councillor again am I, thank you for that, MACKAY" poor lad what could he do but allow it he looked as if he was ready to bolt because he knew what was coming as he rightly guessed that I would and did use every opportunity at the meeting to refuse to call him councillor and refer to him as Mackay, poor C.E. David Martin looked miserable sitting next to him with a look which said "why me, why have I got to be saddled with wet behind the ears kid, he keeps making fools of all of us" I will now consider whether to call him Councillor in future, if he can get away with dropping my title of Councillor then so can I and so can anyone; he set the precedent and was too naive to see the consequences, perhaps he will apologise to me to save himself further embarrassment."

Bragging : What Terry revealed the spawn of the devil (aka the SNP's Derek Mackay) was guilty of doing about his chances of winning Renfrewshire North and West. Terry pointed out that Mackay (now the MSP for Renfrewshire North and West) couldn't really be that confident if he was also standing on the list.  Very true - I'm sure we all recognise with the benefit of hindsight that Andy Kerr's decision to take no such precaution was a much more promising sign.

The SNP Lib Dem bunker : Exposed by Terry on March 23rd as the "only place" which still believes that the recession was the Labour government's fault.  So refreshing to finally hear the truth about public opinion after having to listen to all those "scientifically conducted opinion polls".

A reckoning : What Terry prophesied was coming for the SNP in May, after savouring Labour's win in the Paisley South council by-election on March 17th.  I must admit I enjoyed that reckoning far more than I ever anticipated, not least in Paisley itself.

"You are kidding" : What Terry prophesied would be the response of Renfrewshire parents when asked to vote SNP on May 5th.  Perhaps it was the non-parent vote that won Paisley for the SNP?

A pick-me-up : What the look on John Mason's face upon losing Glasgow East in 2010 provided for Terry.  Disappointingly, we've yet to learn what effect the look on John Mason's face upon winning Glasgow Shettleston in 2011 had on Terry.

A Quaker : What Terry revealed on May 4th that Alex Salmond's integrity and honesty made Bob Monkhouse look like.  (Bob Monkhouse????)  All I can say is thank God that the catchphrase on Bob's Full House was "In bingo-lingo clickety-clicks, it's time to take your pick of the six", because clearly Monkhouse's reputation would really be in tatters by now if it had been "it's time for Scotland to have national self-determination".

Now, I could go on like this, but it wouldn't be a word-search worthy of the man unless I left plenty of room for the true gems - the things Terry has called the SNP or people in the SNP. Once again, these are all of relatively recent vintage...

Collaborators

Chauvinistic

Cowards

Introverted

Parochial

Hidebound

Tartan fool

Political harlot

Nodding donkeys

Tartan teuchters

Limp of wrist

Goldfish (the attention span of)

Dissembling charlatan

Anti-Engurlish

Rabid

Apolitical

Spineless

Treacherous

Revenge-driven

Buffoon

Fairground barker

Pathetic flunky

Repellent little creep

And that's the lot.  The solution, as ever, will hopefully be here at the weekend!

4 comments:

Colin said...

He's a national treasure, is COUNCILLOR Kelly. Avanti Poplo!

Anonymous said...

My particular favourite is the almost mandatory 'Salmond (the spiv)'.
I feel Terry had hopes that others might take this one on - he ploughs his lonely furrow still.

Ken said...

I can't help but crack up at the classic combo of the profile picture of his good self in granny-style glasses coupled with the tagline 'I'm a socialist'.

James Kelly said...

Anon : I know how he feels with that one, though - my attempt to get an Iain "the Snarl" Gray meme going was equally unsuccessful!